And now, I’m unconscious.

By the time you read this, I’ll be in surgery, sound asleep thanks to the unpronounceable drugs that will be coursing through my veins.

This was originally going to be a more positive entry, with some jokey laughs thrown in, but right now I’m so exhausted from last night that I don’t feel it’s appropriate to the mood. The medication I had to take last night in preparation for the surgery? Yeah, turns out that common side effects are severe abdominal pain, vomitting, hot flashes, and chills. All of which I got in the middle of the night. None of which doctors or pharmacists warned me about.

For the curious, what I had essentially mimics a miscarriage and is used to stimulate labour. I got no warning of that. I fell asleep on the bathroom floor because I couldn’t hold myself up anymore.

So I’m exhausted right now, and royally pissed at multiple doctors. I want this to be over. I want to be healthy again, to not have to worry about missing 2.5 months of work (how long I’ve been out due to anemia), write-ups for attendance (sometimes I can’t leave my apartment because the symptoms are so bad), and having my day consist of taking a small handfull of pills in order to keep some symptoms under control. I want my life back. I want to be healthy and happy and able to go to work without worry and to take a walk for more than 10 minutes without wearing myself down. And I don’t even know if this surgery will actually give me these things. It’s a 50/50 chance, because my specialist wants to play things safe.

But I still hope. And because of that hope, I’m now at the hospital (or will be when you’re all reading this), asleep, and dreaming of being able to do so many things that I used to take for granted.

My roommate is under orders to write down everything hilarious or weird that I say later while the drugs are wearing off, and if anything good comes of it, I’ll post some choice lines here to make you all laugh.

Wish me luck, guys, and hope that this is the only time I’ll need to be on the table in the OR!

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